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+<p>
+Since you are on this page, you're presumably lost. That's ok. I don't really
+get all this stuff either. Let's start with some easy stuff.
+</p>
+<p>
+<i>You're on the Internet</i>. Known to some as a
+<a
+    href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Series_of_tubes">series of tubes</a>,
+but in reality much more complicated than it has to be.
+The way you get here is through a device you have at home called a router,
+which literally does what the name implies--it routes signals to where they
+need to go to make things go beep. In the 60s and
+70s, routers tended to be people-based and would spend their time plugging
+cables into and out of ports so calls could connect.</p>
+<img src="/static/human_router.jpg" />
+<center>
+    <i>Image of a switchboard courtesy of
+        <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Jersey_Telecom_switchboard_and_operator.jpg">
+        Wikipedia contributors</a>
+    </i>
+</center>
+<p>
+Fortunately, we figured out that was dumb and made robots do the job for us.
+Internet companies, governments, and anyone else with enough money and
+influence bought huge routers and hooked them all up to talk to each other.
+Then they convinced us all to go out and buy a router from our ISP of "choice"
+so we could all send cat pictures to each other seemlessly. We got rid of
+phones, replaced our phone with our IP address and email, just to ironically
+end up back at phones again. All of our devices serve, or at least can serve,
+as a router in some way, and all these little robots talking to each other
+makes it so you can get lost on some person's home page.
+</p>
+<p>
+In a way, you could say you've made it to my router. Not my home router of
+course--that one sucks. I'm mooching of someone else's, also known as a Virtual
+Private Server. These companies run whole bunch of servers, hook them up on a
+bulk connection and rent them out for people to run blogs about cats and porn
+sites.
+</p>
+<p>
+Precisely speaking, you are in a chrooted web server running on rented virtual
+machine in a server farm located roughly in New Jersey browsing the "about"
+directory on the "whereami.html" page.
+</p>
+<p>
+Less precisely, all that means is you're looking at some files I left in a directory
+at this address, and paid some people to host for me since local ISPs tend to
+be ridiculously expensive if you want to do anything besides host some private
+servers for you and your friends and family.
+</p>
+<p>
+A helpful tip, CRTL+W will close any webpage you don't like. Not that you
+wouldn't like this page... you did read all the way here through all that
+pedantry didn't you?
+</p>