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-                        The Warning Signs Of InSaNiTy
-                    ---------------------------------------
-
- 1. Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and
-     then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer.
- 2. Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that
-     you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.
- 3. You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.
- 4. You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends
-     you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
- 5. Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to 
-     relieve yourself on it.
- 6. You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of
-     evil dandruff spirits.
- 7. You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for
-     setting fire to his lawn decorations.
- 8. Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.
- 9. People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.
-10. Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.
-11. You laugh out loud during funerals.
-12. When your doctor tells you to say ah, you yell out "RAPE! RAPE!"
-13. Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you
-      through that scuba mask.
-14. You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've
-      stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going 
-      to one day seek revenge.
-15. You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.
-16. Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your
-      little illusion.
-17. You collect dead windowsill flies.
-18. Everytime the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its
-     wings!"
-19. You like cats.  Especially with mayo.
-20. You scream "I've got a knife!" to people who try to sell you things.
-21. You scream "I've got a knife!" to people at your family reunion.
-22. You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they
-     weren't rescued.
-23. You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.
-24. Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.
-25. You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.
-26. You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the
-     middle of your front lawn.
-27. Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name 
-     etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.
-28. Melba toast excites you.
-29. When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another 
-     room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."
-30. You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.
-31. Every time you see the commercial for the Hair Club For Men, you think
-     to yourself, "I think I'll kill the pope today."
-32. You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for
-     a few minutes.
-33. Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia.
-34. Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!"
-35. You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala
-     or to be loved by an infectious disease.
-36. You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and
-     pretend that you're a stalk.
-37. You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it.
-38. You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough)
-39. People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a
-     violation of your rights as a boysenberry.
-40. You like reading lists like this. :) (The Paul Richter
-     Special Edition Appendix)
-41. You sit in your room for hours on end listening to Peter, Paul & Mary
-     and playing solitaire on your computer.
-42. You experience periods of time when your mouth can do nothing but sing
-     "Mama's little baby loves short'nin', short'nin...."
-43. You begin to start almost every conversation with the introduction to
-    _The A-Team_ theme song.
-44. You spend three hours sitting on the floor cutting and pasting a 
-     project for your COLLEGE English course, and you get
-     really frustrated because you can't recall
-     all the kindergarten-period skills that it requires.
-45. You check your e-mail about six times a day, only to find that nobody
-     cares enough to send anything to you.
-46. You believe that Quayle would actually win the 1996
-     presidentialelection.
-47. You read Anne Sexton's poetry for twelve out of any sixteen-hour 
-     period.
-48. You read Sylvia Plath to cheer yourself up, and when that doesn't work
-     you pop _The Wall_ into the stereo...
-49. You think Popeye's anchor tattoo would look even better on YOUR 
-     forearm.
-50. You use Speed Stick Clear Ocean Surf Deodorant for the scent.
-51. You start appending a list like this, and you find yourself just going
-     on and on and on and on...
-52. You start to repeat yourself.
-53. You start to repeat yourself.
-54. You start really stretching for bad jokes and cheap laughs.
-55. You recognize that you are doing so.
-56. You blatantly announce it.
-57. You keep looking in the Rap section at Tower Records trying to find 
-     that new M.C. Escher album.
-58. Your greatest accomplishment to date in your college career is your
-     new-found ability to blow smoke rings.
-59. You resort to mass e-mailings as your sole means of unabashedly begging
-     for attention.