Poor English edits, removed condescension

1 files changed, 9 insertions, 6 deletions

diff --git a/.md/thoughts/net/in-defense-of-anonymity.md b/.md/thoughts/net/in-defense-of-anonymity.md
index 698da69..924ea34 100644
--- a/.md/thoughts/net/in-defense-of-anonymity.md
+++ b/.md/thoughts/net/in-defense-of-anonymity.md
@@ -8,15 +8,18 @@ required to use the Internet at all. In the same vein, some have
 suggested draconian punishments for those who mock or imitate them
 online anonymously or pseudonmously.
 
-I think at this moment it should be stated on no uncertain terms that
-the right to be anonymous online is crucial and must be defended. There
-are no doubt consequences to this freedom: all freedoms have consequeces
-if they are not excercised with responsibility. That's exactly why I
-want to carefully lay out why we need such a right in the first place.
+I think at this moment it should be stated clearly that
+the right to be anonymous online communication is crucial
+and must be defended. There are no doubt consequences to this
+freedom: all freedoms have consequeces if they are not excercised
+with responsibility. That's exactly why I want to carefully lay out
+why we need such a right in the first place and what responsible use of
+that right looks like.
+
 Not only do I believe this right is critical for individuals to combat
 the growing influence of privatized surveillance in their daily lives,
 but it is critical for our free press, our national security and police
-forces, as well as our elected leaders that networked anonymous
+forces, and our elected leaders, that networked anonymous
 communication be available to the public.
 
 ## What is anonymity