From 64cc489d6f463bc6b242dcc5c61a7ce6359f9aac Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: mjfernez Date: Sat, 10 Sep 2022 17:38:16 -0400 Subject: Add text files from textfiles.com --- thoughts/txt/textfiles.com/signs_of_insanity.txt | 98 ++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 98 insertions(+) create mode 100644 thoughts/txt/textfiles.com/signs_of_insanity.txt (limited to 'thoughts/txt/textfiles.com/signs_of_insanity.txt') diff --git a/thoughts/txt/textfiles.com/signs_of_insanity.txt b/thoughts/txt/textfiles.com/signs_of_insanity.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..993a0c8 --- /dev/null +++ b/thoughts/txt/textfiles.com/signs_of_insanity.txt @@ -0,0 +1,98 @@ + The Warning Signs Of InSaNiTy + --------------------------------------- + + 1. Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and + then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer. + 2. Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that + you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from. + 3. You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom. + 4. You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends + you mail from Iowa asking why you never write. + 5. Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to + relieve yourself on it. + 6. You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of + evil dandruff spirits. + 7. You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for + setting fire to his lawn decorations. + 8. Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death. + 9. People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl. +10. Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day. +11. You laugh out loud during funerals. +12. When your doctor tells you to say ah, you yell out "RAPE! RAPE!" +13. Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you + through that scuba mask. +14. You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've + stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going + to one day seek revenge. +15. You have meaningful conversations with your toaster. +16. Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your + little illusion. +17. You collect dead windowsill flies. +18. Everytime the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its + wings!" +19. You like cats. Especially with mayo. +20. You scream "I've got a knife!" to people who try to sell you things. +21. You scream "I've got a knife!" to people at your family reunion. +22. You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they + weren't rescued. +23. You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch. +24. Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards. +25. You have a predominant fear of fabric softener. +26. You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the + middle of your front lawn. +27. Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name + etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons. +28. Melba toast excites you. +29. When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another + room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears." +30. You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you. +31. Every time you see the commercial for the Hair Club For Men, you think + to yourself, "I think I'll kill the pope today." +32. You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for + a few minutes. +33. Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia. +34. Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!" +35. You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala + or to be loved by an infectious disease. +36. You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and + pretend that you're a stalk. +37. You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it. +38. You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough) +39. People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a + violation of your rights as a boysenberry. +40. You like reading lists like this. :) (The Paul Richter + Special Edition Appendix) +41. You sit in your room for hours on end listening to Peter, Paul & Mary + and playing solitaire on your computer. +42. You experience periods of time when your mouth can do nothing but sing + "Mama's little baby loves short'nin', short'nin...." +43. You begin to start almost every conversation with the introduction to + _The A-Team_ theme song. +44. You spend three hours sitting on the floor cutting and pasting a + project for your COLLEGE English course, and you get + really frustrated because you can't recall + all the kindergarten-period skills that it requires. +45. You check your e-mail about six times a day, only to find that nobody + cares enough to send anything to you. +46. You believe that Quayle would actually win the 1996 + presidentialelection. +47. You read Anne Sexton's poetry for twelve out of any sixteen-hour + period. +48. You read Sylvia Plath to cheer yourself up, and when that doesn't work + you pop _The Wall_ into the stereo... +49. You think Popeye's anchor tattoo would look even better on YOUR + forearm. +50. You use Speed Stick Clear Ocean Surf Deodorant for the scent. +51. You start appending a list like this, and you find yourself just going + on and on and on and on... +52. You start to repeat yourself. +53. You start to repeat yourself. +54. You start really stretching for bad jokes and cheap laughs. +55. You recognize that you are doing so. +56. You blatantly announce it. +57. You keep looking in the Rap section at Tower Records trying to find + that new M.C. Escher album. +58. Your greatest accomplishment to date in your college career is your + new-found ability to blow smoke rings. +59. You resort to mass e-mailings as your sole means of unabashedly begging + for attention. -- cgit v1.2.3