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diff --git a/.md/thoughts/txt/textfiles.com/lusermeetings.txt b/.md/thoughts/txt/textfiles.com/lusermeetings.txt deleted file mode 100644 index cea504b..0000000 --- a/.md/thoughts/txt/textfiles.com/lusermeetings.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,275 +0,0 @@ - - SOCIAL OBSERVATIONS ABOUT NETWORK LUSERS - - A General TXT on My Personal Gleanings - and Experience with Network Neophytes - and the Everyday Joe/Jane "luser". - ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - -"There is a principle which is a bar against all information,which is proof -against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep us in everlasting -ignorance............that principle is contempt prior to investigation." - -Herbert Spencer ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - BY: F A R T B L O S S O M - ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - Sept. 8, 2004 - ;)_ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- - -To quote a saying by the infamous Bastard Operator from Hell, "They never -learn." No statement written about network lusers has ever rung more true -than that simple phrase. People simply do not learn, they do not want to -learn, they fight the process and the more one tries to enforce learning or -encourage learning, more and more resistance is met. - -Example from the open road: A guy pulls out in front of a truck after -running a red light and narrowly misses getting hit. Two weeks later at -the same intersection he pulls the same stunt. I have seen this scenario -repeated over and over right in front of my house, at the local K-Mart -red light, and on main street in the local town at the busiest inter- -section in the entire city. Same cars same people same scenario and -they never learn. - -The only time they get the hint is when luck runs out and they end up -in the hospital or dead. Like Mother used to say of my dear sister, -"She won't believe I will whip her until she feels the sting of the -switch." And usually when they get the hint, if the live through the -accident they have the fucking audacity to sue the person who hit them -even though it wasn't the other person's fault. - -I write this from the (albeit biased) standpoint and position of veteran -sysad for numerous WAN/LAN's for about 8 years. This is what I do, how -I make my money and suffice it to say dealing with end users has caused -no small amount of stress in my life over the years. - -When I first began this task of luser management, along with workstation -break/fix and WAN/LAN sysad duties back in early 1995 I kept having the -feeling that I was being left behind. I didn't know much about computers -or networking back then, so I maintained a constant effort over the years -to learn all I could about my newly acquired craft. When I finally began -managing my own systems as senior IT I finally got appreciation for the -oft repeated phrase, "In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king." - -When I, the humble meek computer geek fizzled onto the sysad scene -I discovered a profound truth. I KNOW MORE THAN THEY DO. I was stunned -that all of the talented degreed and credentialed folks I was serving as -sysad for knew ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING about computers and eight years -later the SAME FUCKING PEOPLE STILL DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS. - -THAT SIMPLE FACT ABSOLUTELY FLOODED AND FLOORED MY SIMPLE HICK MIND AT THE TIME! How could I know more than someone with a PhD when I barely made -it through the 12th grade? - -They dont want to know about computers, they want it all done for them -since they are too fucking stupid and lazy to learn something new. This -is not only referring to older lusers, but the young ones as well. They -churn them out of the big industry mechanism stupid. The college kids -exist to make a professor smile, so they can get an A. Don't think for -yourself, think the way I tell you and I smile on your Doctorate. - -"Madness," as biblical King Solomon might say as the Preacher, all is madness." - -------- topic switches abruptly ------------------------------------------ - -I can't tell you the number of times I get blamed for walking past a server -room and when the power cycles I get bitched at because it must've been -something I did. After all I was in the area. And I am an asshole in -their eyes, therefore it isn't the fault of the power company, since I -have all these fucking magical TCP/IP wizard telepathy powers I control -the fucking power grid. - -I hate stereotypes. - -(A quick sidenote, I often mention to my wife that this is what racial discrimination must feel like. It sucks to be on the shitty end of a preconcieved notion.) Or as Frank Zappa might say, it is called -"SMELLING THE GLOVE." - -About my assistant, she is an excellent pc tech and is wonderful with -the dear lusers whereas I usually come across as a dickhead or asshole -to them. I don't know why since I try like hell to be nice, I guess they -can't handle a non-degreed ex-vet bossing their superior padded PHD -asses around in the computer arena. Alas that is the corporate curse of -the humble yet knowlegeable sysad. You know more than they do therefore -you are an asshole. - -I cite examples of ineptitude: - -1. Most people I work with don't know how to create an icon in Windows. -2. Most people choose passwords like this: - baby daddy baseball triplets (their initials) (their birthday) -3. Most lusers have a memory as long as my dick. -4. Most lusers put passwords in desk drawers, under mousepads and my - personal favorite, they WRITE IT ON THE FUCKING MONITOR ON A DAMN - STICKY NOTE. So much for network security. -5. Most lusers refer to Windows 97 as their operating system or Microsoft - as their operating system when asked. -6. Most lusers can't differentiate between physical RAM and a hard drive. - Example: How much memory do I have? Can I get rid of some of it to - free up space on my machine? -7. Most lusers can barely operate MS Word -8. The most frequent question I am asked on initial PC orientation of - new employees is, "What's a URL?" -9. The next question I get, even though I manage over 1000 nodes, 20 - WAN links and over 5000 users is, "Do you read our email?" - -FUCK NO I DON'T READ YOUR EMAIL. DON'T FLATTER YOUR LITTLE SELF. I HAVE -SO MUCH WORK TO DO SUPPORTING YOUR CONSTANT DESTRUCTION OF MY PC'S THAT -I DON'T HAVE TIME TO READ MY OWN EMAIL. - -10.I have once watched a former sysad friend of mine convince a lady - who was a veteran computer trainer that her problem was leaking - packets. He actually had her on the floor looking for packets that - fell out of her laptop connector and out of the wall jack, NO SHIT! - I almost pissed myself I laughed so hard. And this lady was teaching - other employees! Isn't that novel? The Bible tells us "if the blind - lead the blind, both fall into the ditch." - -11.My favorite bitch of all: "Do you do computer work on the side?" - Read this to mean, "I want my pc/modem/monitor/hard drive/data/mouse/ - keyboard/floppy/scanner/printer fixed absolutely free because after - all I want something for nothing and you must give it to me because - I am a luser and can tattletale to the boss that you are mean." - -(If I have to fix one more Packard Bell Legend, one more shitty ass - Hp Pavillion I am going to go ballistic on somebody!!!!!!) - -So you might ask what is the point of this article. Mainly I wanted to -vent and since I am such an asshole (I am really not, ask my wife) I -have no other folks to vent to. You might also ask, "If you hate the -lusers so much why do you keep staying there?" Good question. This -seems to be the best place for me to further my career. - -I have excellent access to the latest and greatest technology. -Plus its hard to find a job in this recessive economic downturn. All -of the sysads are being axed for cheaper prices in India. - -It seems everyone wants a degreed sysad and I don't have one. While -most were busy going to college and fucking their sweethearts and playing -at being a man, I was busy serving my country during Desert Storm in the -good old US MILITARY. So I don't have a fucking degree, looks like I am -stuck here until someone feels sorry for me. :( I, just as the simple -little lusers I faithfully and dutifully serve, have a wife and home -and bills and I have to eat too. - -The main point I wanted to get to is this. Most people are sheep. Just -like Jesus said in the Bible, "All like sheep have gone astray." True -and even I have done some dumb stuff in my life. But I try like hell to -learn and not repeat mistakes. Your average Joe and Jane luser does not. - -First, they hate the machine. They resent it. They fear it and all who -come in defense of the PC. They don't want it. Management forces them -to use it and won't have it any other way. The luser has bills to pay -and kids and a husband or wife at home to take care of, therefore the -machine is a hated entity because it is forced upon them. True enough. -They are hereby stuck in a hard position. - -They hate technology but are forced to use it, the economy won't let them -leave for a better job, their home life probably sucks ass, therefore -the popular pastime is, "Hey, lets take it out on the computer guy!" -"He has no life, its his fault." I am the embodiment of pure human to -machine interface. I am the computer come in man-form to their pathetic -little cubicles. I am therefore the target of all their frustrations. -Or as I have told my wife, I am like an ambulance driver. I usually get -them when its almost too late. I really really want to help, and I really -want what's best for them. I swear to God I do. - -Persecution complex you say? Perhaps. Schizophrenic musings of an -intelligent lunatic? Fuck you for noticing. I just gave up Zoloft -for cigarettes again. You believe whatever the hell you wish. At least I -am honest with myself. Narcissist? Fuck no. Anti-social? You bet, a -learned behavior. These stomach pains are for real motherfucker. - -A lot of lusers are close to retirement and hatefully despise technology. -I have often heard even our CEO state, "I wish we could just somehow -get rid of all of the computers and go back to the old way." I actually -heard that oral turd dispenser say that on numerous occasions. - -The CEO also mentioned (on the 15th time he got a complaint) that I was mean, -to the poor, unfortunate always right and perfect lusers, and he -threatened to fire me. I in a super nice way told him to fire me now -and not to wait. Don't fuck around, do it NOW! Right fucking now! -Don't dangle that carrot, don't threaten me. I will flip fucking hamburgers -if that is what I have to do. I am not too proud. - -He hesitated and I am still not fired five years later. He won't -fire me and do you know why? It would cost him double to pay someone now -to replace me and that person would probably have a learning curve of at -least 18 months to get up to speed. Plus it would take a new sysad -about 1 year to restabilize what I picked up as a large fucking cobbled -together excuse of a WAN/LAN. - -I literally rebuilt this unorganized grabastic hunk of shit cheap WAN -from scratch. They had no program until I got here. No pride because I -fought, scratched, bitched, whined, complained, and prayed prayed prayed to -God every step of the way. So I guess God gets the credit, not me. - -Let me put this to you. Nobody is permanant. Everyone is expendable and -even I never forget this rule. I am quite sure they could find some little -eager upstart to take my desk, my terminal and my job from me. And the -sad thing is the little shit probably has a college degree. He may even -know a little about networks, perhaps the OSI model. - -But do you know the one thing Mr. College doesn't have that I have? -Experience with all sorts of people and machinery to be exact. I was -in a maintenance and electronics career for 15 years before I became sysad. -I have worked on everything from radio to microwave, to weapons systems to -VCR's. I have soldered boards, built houses, mixed paint, and broken -into combination locks (legally). I have shoveled shit, helped calves -give birth and made homebrew antennas to pick up long range radio stations -with. I have plowed fields and rebuilt engines, I have been both grounded -and on top of the world. - -What else do I have that Mr. College still shitting yellow doesn't? I have -the heart, mind, body, and soul of a sysad. Good admins are made, not -born. It takes work to get up every day even though you feel like never -getting out of bed again and have taken 81 asschewings this year already -for shit they keep piling on you that you have yet to finish, and haven't -enough time or techs to help you. - -What else do I have Mr. Fucking Know it all college PUNK doesn't have? -I care about my lusers. I really really do. I don't want them to lose -their data, or their pc to a virus. Hell no! - -What else do I exhibit that Mr. College fresh wannabe doesn't? I am true -to my God and to myself. I do not like to lie to me. I know what I know -and that is all I know, but I want to know more and more. I spend hours -upon hours in books, on the 'Net trying to learn one more thing to insulate -my lusers from the real world of computing. Anything I can do to make their -lives and mine easier that is what I look for. Nothing else will do. -I want to make them happy. Yet they still fucking fight me and turn me -in because I say what they don't like, I tell them the truth. Yes the -drive has crashed and you lost everything. They can't handle that. - -One more final thing I have that college boy doesn't. I have humility. -Humility of a kind that is born in the crucible of hard ass mind numbing -deadlines, and thankless work and hard decisions daily. My humility was -born of numerous ass-chewings, numerous deflations of my pride. Humility -is setting up Netware 41 times on the same fucking box until you get it -right, learning each step of the way. Humility is working on a pc for -three weeks, only to find out it was something retarded all along like -an unseated stick of ram. Be humble, be available, but be wise as a -serpent and harmless as a dove. - -I have news for you lusers. Computers are not going away. They are here -to stay and sysads like me are always going to be needed. Be nice to us -because there will come a fateful day when your drive crashes, you get a -virus and you will need our services. You do reap what you sow, that much -I have learned in all my trials and tribulations of life in general and as -a sysad. - -It is getting quite late and I am quite sure I have wasted enough of your -valuable time reading this. I think the BOFH put my real feelings in print -best: "I know I have that LAN cable I spliced into the power cord somewhere. - -" MWUAHHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! - -FART BLOSSOM -SOMEWHERE DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF THE NEW SOUTH -MAY SHE RISE AGAIN! - - -EOF
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